Days 22 & 23
Welcome to day 23 of my 30 days to Sobriety.
Am I loosing my groove?
I realise my posts are not exactly daily now and I could blame the sick child, or even the sick bunnies (true story), and the fact that I am dropping balls left right and centre due to over commitment. But the other truth is I am just not needing it so much, I am used to not drinking much quicker than I thought. My ideas of not being able to socialise etc were just silly ideas. However I am still ‘with the program’, if a little bit skimming though rather than deep diving …
Day 21 was a review day, so nothing missed their really. Day 22 was about courage, and first encouraged me to think about failure as feedback. If I’m honest I suck at that: failure is failure for me. So there is some work to do there … I do feel a bit all-worked-out however as mentioned previously.
Day 22 also talks to me (again this is a theme) of willpower only taking you so far, that to really change your ways your need to ‘do the work’ and that work is deep personal, sometimes hurty work. I am beginning to wonder if this might be the case for more habits than we realise. That my next health goals to knock sugar back, quit eating between meals (my gut doesn’t work well if I do), and get fit – maybe need deeper work also. Heavens where can I fit in my job and other commitments with all this ‘work’. This week I’m just not really.
I fully suspect there is lots of ‘fear work’ I have not done in my life, however that is more re other things than drinking. I might need to revisit some of the steps in relation to non-drinking things, and day 22 might be key.
Day 23 reminds me: drinking which maybe starts as a way to heighten celebration or have more fun and laughter, slips to a way to deal with stress, anger or sadness. Hmm this makes massive sense.
I’ll be (really really) honest now. Because despite blogging, there are levels of sharing … so I will peal down a level today. I was having a really rough time towards the end of April. There. Stress was high with transition back to self employment, my daughters health, my health as well as the regular relationship challenges that come with big transitions of which we have all experienced many…were taking their combined toll and I was not enjoying lifey. That is accept my few wines in the evening, I was loooving those. So I did not want to give them up as what would life be if I gave up the only thing I enjoyed? I never thought that I had some stuff I was not dealing with and drinking was just plastering over it for a few hours every day, but also lowering my desire/energy etc to actually work some of it out, because I could just wait for wine o’clock and plaster it over. It was really only the first few days that were proper rough, from about day 7 I’ve been happier than pre-drinking. There is something to consider huh?
So day 23 is all about emotional sobriety which is the ability to experience and regulate strong emotions rather than run or suppress (chardonnay anyone?). The good news is the stats indicate 96% of problem drinkers can legitimately blame their parents. Nice, accept I don’t think I can.
The Mental Makeover (MM)
The MM has these phases to help with emotions and cravings:
- Awareness: Stop – what’s going on, in your mind and body.
- Acceptance: Get amongst what is going on, doing fight it.
- Analyzing: Think what triggered the emotion(s)?
- Assigning: If they weren’t after a tidy bunch of A’s here – this would be more sensibly called re-assigning. Which is where you choose to maybe rethink about why that person pulled in front of you (rushing to hospital)?
Anther MM task to rethink some standards eg.
Old Standard: I need complete success on all my health behaviours starting tomorrow
New Standard: I will give 100% to this one health behaviour (cutting down regular evening drinking) this month and then I’ll give 100% to another one next month.
Lastly I was introduced to something called “The Work” – I liked it, think I might try it. But I shan’t share as my bum is actually sore and the Bunnings need their pain meds (true story).
So tomorrow we turn to meditation ….. which is a hot topic of mine and a dropped practice so that should be food for the soul all around.