Welcome my friend to day 2 (of my 30 days to sobriety).
I’ll be honest with both of us. I really wanted a drink today, and even more this second when I got in trouble for the chocolate fish eating yesterday for breakfast (did I not mention they were not my chocolate fish for the eating?).
If I had not put my goal out so publically and started this blogging, if I had not got the book and registered in the forum, if my dear mum was not having AFDs when visiting in support, if I did not have my book activities to do at wine o’clock …. I would have had a drink …. for sure. In fact I may just have drunk a bottle in that ‘get it while you can’ approach. Nothing like the imminence of giving something up again to make one overindulge.
This just proves the experts know a thing or two: support matters, structure matters, goals matter, values matter, relationships matter – when it comes to habit changes, especially ouchy ones.
So I am only 28 days from a cool glass of NZ chardonnay – or more maybe, because if I fully succeed then just maybe I won’t celebrate with alcohol. I am too early in my journey to know if I am going to be able to take or leave it in the future (to the degree I want). I am surely too early in the journey to say that the reward in not drinking is … not drinking (as a family member over a year in recently said).
Todays activities in the book involved (among other things) clarifying my life vision. Having done that recently in habit 2 I powered on.
I was a little stuck on the next exercise, as it was more focused on drinking oneself into a messy state. Which although I have done in the past, my drinking has not returned anywhere near those levels …. which oddly lowered my motivation.
All the stuff about think how much better your work will be, your relationships, your finances when you stop drinking yourself into a stupor …. well my drinking is an issue for role modelling, for health, for how much I hate AFDs, but it has not yet gotten in the way of anything else and in fact it helps many things.
I am super duper intolerant of pretty much everyone and everything most of the time, accept after two glasses of wine when I am chilled, happy, sunny natured and optimistic. I know, bad right?
However I am aware that alcohol is seductive and slippery slope and that my “sweet spot” was moving rapidly lower down the bottle and perhaps it was a matter of time before the embarrassments of my youth of binge drinking would return to haunt me. So I’m glad we have chatted as perhaps for me it isn’t ‘look at the mess drinking is causing in your life’ … it is more … ‘mate if you don’t break this habit, it is a slippery slope … and it could screw up your life completely, a bit like it very nearly did in the past if you are really honest with yourself … remember that time…’ (Ok lets not go there yet).
I’ll see you tomorrow.
Picture credit – https://www.pexels.com/photo/alphabet-creativity-cube-letter-462353/